SPORTS TRIVIA CHALLENGE 09/11/99: Bump and grind

By Mike Emmett
LiteSports Trivia Meister

There comes a time in everyone's life when they must take a stand. So have a seat, please, while the ol' Irishman does just that.

Seems that there's been way too much talk lately about Dale Earnhardt's giving Terry La-bump-te a little extra push during the Goody's Headache Powder 500 on Aug. 28 at Bristol Motor Speedway. Oh, we know what you are thinking: Why on Earth would anyone care about NASCAR and Dale Whatshisname to begin with?

Let's be civil, for a moment, and take up the case for the infamous Intimidator. So let the trial begin, Judge Miles Lane presiding (Mills' brother who does the voice on MTV's "Celebrity Death Match").

Question: Does Earnhardt have a history of "rattling cages," so to speak, during Winston Cup events?

Answer: Does a dog have a paws? Does Opie have a paw? Does Sheriff Andy Taylor or Aunt Bee care? Oh, we digress.

Question: Did the No. 3 car really mean to toss Terry's Corn Flakes?

Answer: Nah. He just wanted to rattle him a little. Push him out of the way, sort of. Give him a love tap like the one Ken Norton once planted on the Great Ali's jaw.

Question: Should the friendly folks of NASCAR have penalized Earnhardt for his move that won him the race?

Answer: As Dale Jarrett said, handing out a fine would be like pouring out a glass of water. And Earnhardt has plenty of water.

Question: What then is the real solution to this kind of problem?

Answer: Problem? If that's a problem then let's first outlaw fights at NHL games. Let's outlaw coaches piling on the points when Division I college teams meet those from Division I-AA. Let's make Dennis Rodman an outlaw. Oops, sorry -- he already is. So let's outlaw inlaws then.

Question: Should Terry Labonte take some sort of revenge on Earnhardt down the road?

Answer: If Terry wants revenge, he ought to take it out on his brother, Bobby, who has been beating the pants off him all season long.

Question: How do you think Earnhardt explained his reckless actions on the track to his young son, Little E?

Answer: He said, "E (he calls Junior that for short), it's never a good idea to bump anyone out of your way, unless, of course, you can win the darn race."

Question: Do any other drivers do what Earnhardt does?

Answer: Yeah, but not with that kind of style.

Question: Why didn't the police charge Earnhardt with attempted assault?

Answer: Let's get this right -- you want officers in the hills of Bristol, Tenn., to charge another good ol' boy from across the ridges in Kannapolis, N.C., with a crime? Heck, most of them were probably trying to pull off a piece of Labonte's car for a souvenir.

Question: If you are so supportive of Earnhardt, why do you think the fans jeered him at the end?

Answer: Oh, they weren't yelling, "Boo!" They were yelling, "Moo!" The folks who watch races at Bristol are big on milk, you know. Or is that Indianapolis?

Question: Why, counselor, is the ol' Irishman defending a Winston Cup driver anyway?

Answer: Hey, anything to clear our tab at O'Shea's Irish Pub.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The facts are clear in this case. Now, if only we can remember what the trial was about and why the judge keeps shouting, "Let's get it on!"

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WEBVIEWER MAIL: Got a trivia question that you think will stump the ol' Irishman -- or a gripe about sports or some particular incident -- just email me and I will try to include it in my next column. All ya gotta do is click here.

Can you tell me where is Mark Martin from?
From some CamHead, living on that AOL air.
Good question, Cam. Most folks always call him the driver from Batesville, Ark. And that's true -- Batesville is his hometown. But nowadays, he calls Daytona, Fla., his home.

Who was the last Winston Cup driver to win a road-course race other than Jeff Gordon?
From Crazy Tracy, at some ISP too hard to pronounce.
The last Winston Cup driver to win a road-course race since 1997 other than Gordon, who has won the last five in a row, was Martin. He captured the Save Mart Supermarkets 300 at Sears Point in May 1997.

Do you think my daddy can still win an eighth Winston Cup title?
From someone calling himself a Little E with an Intimidating email address.
E (I'll call you that for short), the answer is no. He's got too many things on his mind these days with Dale Earnhardt Enterprises and such. We do think if the new 2000 Monte Carlo is all that they are saying it is, he can end up in the top three with career victories. But a Cup title? Heck, kid. You win it for him. And then give him another seven as the years go by.

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TEST TIME: Since we've got it in gear, we'll continue with our Dale Earnhardt theme. Let's get it on:

1) Who is Earnhardt's current Winston Cup sponsor? Give up?

2) In what year did Dale Earnhardt win top rookie honors on the circuit? Give up?

3) When did Earnhardt win his first Winston Cup title? Give up?

4) Earnhardt once drove a yellow and blue car featuring what sponsor? Give up?

5) As of 1999, how many poles has Earnhardt won in his 20-year career? Give up?

Mike Emmett has been kicking around sports departments in newspapers and online operations around the U.S. for years. Got something to say to the Irishman? Email him with a click here.

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